Ok, tell me I’m wrong… But do you ever feel as a woman like there’s just something more you need to be or have different in your life before you can officially say you “feel” beautiful?
Oh…. Maybe it’s your hair, your skin’s condition, your weight, your teeth, your nose…
…Achievements you want to attain…
…Your personality that you’d love to change…
Perhaps you want to be more outgoing or, on the other hand, more refined…
Regardless of what it is, though…
There’s just that one other thing you need in your life that will finally give you permission to check off that last little box on your mental “I-finally-feel-beautiful” checklist.
Oh, trust me, I have my little boxes as well.
And while I am working on those areas, and honestly believe we all should work on being the best version of ourselves we can be…
Somehow I’m absolutely convinced that checking that last little box off isn’t going to be what ultimately convinces me.
You want to know how I know…?
…Because I’ve checked off that box once before… and for some odd reason… I still didn’t feel as though it was good enough to be checked.
Furthermore…even though I checked off that last little box, another box appeared for something else making me still feel inferior.
Yes, we all should have goals in life.
We all should do the things possible to make ourselves feel outwardly beautiful. There are definitely things we can all do to improve ourselves, and we should do our best to work on them. Goals are definitely important to our overall feelings of well-being.
But one thing that saddens me is that many women simply cannot give themselves permission to feel beautiful until they’ve reached the end of their goal….
And yet at the same time, I think somewhere deep inside we all long to feel beautiful and have someone to tell us we are… before we can be “fully” convinced for ourselves.
In some sense I think that’s one reason why “selfies” have become such a popular phenomenon these days. (…And, no, I don’t claim to be an expert in “selfie” psychology.)
But somehow as I see multiple selfies within a short period of time, something inside of me says, “Women want to know they’re beautiful. They want confirmation that what they see in the mirror really is true and visible to others.”
They simply want affirmation.
How do I know this?
Um…Because just a few years ago that was me too.
Don’t get me wrong. I do take selfies every now and then (many of which never get seen), but I definitely have stopped posting them as frequently.
Why?
Well, for a few reasons…
For one, God helped me understand the deeper reason “why” I was needing to share my selfies so much.
He began to heal my heart of my need to “request” that affirmation from others.
And more importantly, He also began to show me that my purpose in life is not to highlight myself but Him.
Have I arrived at a place where I can officially say I don’t ever desire that affirmation from outside sources?
Unfortunately, I have not. I’m still a work in progress. But, trust me, God’s working on me….
Of course there are definitely still days when I want someone to tell me I’m beautiful because (even though I may think so at times myself) I think it’s still in us to just want that extra affirmation from the outside. Who doesn’t want to feel good about themselves and get confirmation about it, right?
But you know what…?
Even that affirmation is never enough. We all still end up needing more… the next day, the next week, and on and on it goes.
Why is it that the compliments just don’t stick or keep us in a place where we remain fully convinced that we are?
Maybe, it’s because our definition of beauty is flawed…
If you want to know the real scoop about beauty…
Outward beauty is temporary… Look at the godly great grandmother in her 80’s who’s lived a full life but now looks nothing like her younger self. But here she is… smiling in her hospital bed surrounded by three generations of family members. They treasure her dearly for the joy she’s been in life and will always be grateful for the godly legacy she’s leaving behind.
Beauty isn’t the mark of our value… Look at the military servicemen and women whose faces are almost unrecognizable after surviving a hit by explosives. They risk their own lives to preserve our freedom and safety… and return to short-lived recognition followed by lifelong injuries and scars.
Beauty is “vain”… A focus on beauty so often makes life all about “us”. And thank God our eyes are situated inside of our sculls rather than outside our heads because, in this day and age- if it were the other way around- I’m sure many of us would stare at ourselves all day to see how good we looked.
But most importantly… Something beauty was never meant to be… is the main focus of our lives or the measure of our success in life.
It was never meant to define us, to show us who we are as women, or to show us how much we are worth.
It was never meant to be the deciding factor as to whether we were worth being loved or not.
It was never meant for any of that.
And ultimately… Beauty fades…
But you know what… Beauty can be a really AWESOME word when redefined.
And if it’s true that “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, God’s eyes have a really awesome perspective of what true beauty really is…. And it’s not limited by our weight, the straightness of our teeth or whether we’re having a good or bad hair day… Not any of that.
According to God, true beauty springs out of who we are on the inside… This is what truly gives us permission to feel beautiful…
And, you know… another cool thing…. is that the beauty of those inner qualities never fades like outward “beauty” so often does.
Our Heavenly Father’s definition of beauty is not limited by the numbers on the scale, how we look in the mirror, or how others have treated us.
…Because true beauty is not determined by those surface standards but by a different and more purposeful set of qualities.
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:30-31 NASB
“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:4 NLT
“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 NASB
Faye Adams is a wife, mother, and a devoted follower of Jesus. Faye’s faith plays a central role in her life, and she is passionate about sharing Jesus with others through Bible study and everyday interactions. Believing that our relationship with God through Christ impacts all aspects of life, Faye aims to bring others closer to experiencing the peace, joy, fulfillment, and freedom that come from knowing Him.
I love this part from your whole article, “we all should work on being the best version of ourselves.” Awesome post!
Thank you!